Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
