i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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