So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
