I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize