i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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