I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
