I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
