I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
