I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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