I wish they made helmets for livers.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
