he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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