im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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