I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
