Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
