Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's never too late to be topless.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
