You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think your dad took our porno
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
