are you still at the devil's house?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Randomize
