will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
