Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
