that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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