I just threw up on my dentist
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
