Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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