community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
