Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
