This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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