to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
