He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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