I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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