Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize