I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
