We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
