lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
