Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
