I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize