Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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