You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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