he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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