she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont even know how to be here
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
