The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
