It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
