Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
