So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
