I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
