is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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