party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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