I'm so fucking centered right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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