I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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