I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
