He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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