Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God, I missed his penis.
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