my shit smells like andre
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
