Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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