I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
