u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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