My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
