He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
