yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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