i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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