Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
