Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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