is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
