This is not my ceiling
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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