can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
