Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
